Who Wants To Be A Companion!
by stupid-nickel
Summary: Welcome folks, to the brand new game show, Who Wants To Be A Companion! Filled with special guests and insanity, really, ANYTHING can happen! Warning: Crack!fic, randomness, and a bit of perverseness in the episodes! Come be a part of the audience to see what Doctor Who characters have to say! T for language and a tiny bit of suggestiveness ;
1. Episode 1

**Just to let everyone know, this is all pure and utter crack. **

**Also, the first four "episodes" are from my story "Don't Touch That" but from now on, any Who Wants To Be A Companion requests will be done in here. I'm making it a separate story.**

**So if you've already read Don't Touch That, you don't have to read the first four chapters of this. However, if you'd like to refresh your memory, go right ahead! ;)**

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Doctor Who theme music is played as stupid_nickel walks into view. Waving, she grins, "Hi, and welcome back to 'Who Wants To Be A Companion!' I'm your host, Nickel! Our next contestant is…" a drum roll is heard, "wickaholic!"

Wickaholic runs up to nickel. She starts to bounce up and down in excitement while Nickel raises an eyebrow at her. "Oh my gosh!" Wickaholic squeals. "Oh my _gosh_! Thanks, _thanks_ this is so exciting! _EEEEPPPP_!" The excitement soon becomes too much for her and Wickaholic has a heart attack. Frowning, Nickel checks her pulse.

"Aw man," Nickel complains, throwing her hands up into the air in exasperation, "_another_ one died! Not again!" Sighing, Nickel massages her temples. "Well ladies and gents, let's see if we can bring Wickaholic back to life, shall we! Let's see what's behind CURTAIN NUMBER ONE!"

Nickel gestures towards the first curtain which opens with a flourish. "WOULD YOU LIKE SOME TEA?!" screams the Dalek that was hiding behind it.

Shaking her head, Nickel chuckles. "Sorry, Dalek, but we all know that trick. Ta!" She waves, winks, and the curtain closes. Breathing a sigh of relief, Nickel turns back to her audience. "Let's see what's behind CURTAIN NUMBER TWO!" Gesturing to the curtain, she waits—the curtain doesn't open. Swearing quietly, she walks up to the curtain, fiddles with the pull-string for a moment, and grins when the curtain finally opens. Standing behind it is the tenth incarnation of the Doctor.

"Hallo!" he says cheerily. "Long time no see, Nickel!" Nickel blushes because, though she _is _the host of the show, she is still quite the fangirl. Looking around with his hands in his pockets, the Doctor's expression turns quizzical. "Did someone need my CPR skills?" he asks, glancing at Wickaholic's still form.

"Nope!" Nickel answers quickly, shaking her head fervently. "No one at the moment! You need to save those lips for later…" Nickel trails off, waggling her eyebrows suggestively at the Doctor.

"Molto Bene!" the Doctor murmurs. He winks at Nickel and, with an "Allons-y!" the curtain closes once again.

Swooning, Nickel fans herself with her hand. She giggles for a moment before clearing her throat. "Alrighty then, last chance," she declares, the music turning serious. "What's behind CURTAIN NUMBER THREE!?"

The curtain opens to reveal none other than Captain Jack Harkness! "Well, hello," he drawls seductively, causing every single girl, and most of the boys, in the audience to swoon. "How's everyone doing today?" He sends a wink out into the audience, turning every single audience member into a pool of fangirl and fanboy jelly.

"Captain." Nickel salutes him and, when he salutes her back, blushes. "It's Wickaholic," Nickel explains, pointing to the body. "She died. Can you resuscitate her?"

Jack shrugs. "Yeah, no problem." He proceeds to give Wickaholic mouth-to-mouth. Gasping, Wickaholic wakes up. However, upon seeing her savior, she promptly dies again. "Oh no you don't!" growls Jack. "We'll keep doing this until you stay alive!" Once again, he gives Wickaholic mouth-to-mouth and, once again, she wakes up, sees him, and dies. This cycle repeats for quite a long time.

Glancing at Jack and Wickaholic, Nickel grins. "Well folks, we should just leave them to it, eh? Join us next time on "Who Wants To Be A Companion!" As the outro music plays, Nickel runs behind curtain number one to join the Doctor. Her silhouette is seen running her fingers through his sex-hair, and only her voice is heard. "Now" she says in a husky voice, "where were we?"

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**So yeah, there's that... *said in an announcer voice* If YOU'D like to appear on "Who Wants To Be A Companion," then Private Message me letting me know! **


	2. Christmas Edition

Nickel smiles and waves as the audience cheers; she is seated on a couch next to a young woman. "Hi! And welcome back to 'Who Wants To Be A Companion!'" There is more cheering before Nickel manages to quiet down her audience. "Today on our show, we have a very special guest! Please welcome, Connie!" Connie smiles and blushes as the audience applaud.

"Thanks, Nickel!" she grins. "It's good to be here."

Pulling an envelope out of thin air, Nickel winks. "So, Connie, our show today is pretty simple. I'll ask some questions, you just have to answer them!" she explains. "Our topic today is," there is a drumroll as she pulls the topic out of the envelope, "A Doctor Who Christmas!"

Nickel's smile turns into a glare as a random man in the audience shouts out, "It's _August!_" Without looking at them, Nickel pulls a throwing knife out of her pocket and tosses it in his direction. The knife lodges itself into the man's chest and he dies immediately.

Once again, Nickel smiles at Connie. "Are you ready, Connie?" she asks.

Connie's eyes dart in horror from Nickel to the deceased audience member. She gulps and stutters out, "Allons-y!" hoping she won't be the next to die.

Nickel shuffles through her notes. "First question! Would you rather go sleigh riding with a Dalek, or make snow-angels with an Ood?"

Taking a minute to think, Connie scratches her chin. "Snow-angels with an Ood," she eventually decides.

Unbeknownst to Connie, there were two Daleks in the audience. "WHAT DO YOU HAVE A-GAINST DAL-EKS?!" the first screeches. "EX-PLAIN! EX-_PLAIN!_"

"SHE DISHONORS OUR MIGHT!" rumbles the second, it's voice much lower. "WE'RE LEA-VING!" They leave in a huff, hoping to make a scene. Unfortunately for them, no one really cares about the Daleks' hurt feelings and the questions continue.

"Would you rather find a sonic screwdriver in your stocking or a TARDIS under your Christmas tree?"

"Sonic screwdriver. I mean, come on," Connie holds up normal screwdriver and points to it, "look at this thing! It's pathetic!"

Nickel nods sadly. "Yes, yes it is. Next question: would you rather eat fish fingers and custard or a traditional turkey dinner?"

Laughing, Connie pulls fish fingers and custard out of her bag. "Do you even have to ask?" She scoops up a large amount of custard onto the fish, takes a large bite and smiles.

Nodding thoughtfully, Nickel looks at another cue card. "Touché. Would you rather find yourself under the mistletoe with a Weeping Angel, or the Silence?" She waits a moment, but Connie doesn't reply. Turning to look at her contestant, Nickel sees her staring at nothing. She snaps her fingers in front of Connie's face. "Connie?" she asks.

Connie turns to face Nickel slowly, tally-marks on her arms and face. "Huh?"

Clearing her throat, and trying to ignore the sinking feeling in her guy, Nickel repeats the question. "Would you rather find yourself under the mistletoe with a Weeping Angel or the Silence?!" Once again, Connie stares off into space. This time, Nickel claps her hands loudly together, "Connie!"

Connie turns to face Nickel, even more tally-marks on her skin. "Sorry, what was the question?"

Nickel stares for a moment, trying to understand what just happened. "Uh," she replies intelligently, "we're just going to move on…ah, yes. Would you rather ride with Santa in his sleigh, or the Doctor in his TARDIS?" she asks once she finds the right question.

Grinning like a madman, Connie laughs. "I'd have to say San—"

With a shout, she is cut off as a second Connie falls from the sky. The new Connie is wearing a winter coat, scarf, gloves, sunglasses, and a Santa hat. In her hands is a mop. Nickel glares at the newcomer, angry at her for interrupting her show. "Who are you?!" she demands.

The new Connie takes off her sunglasses and rolls her eyes. "I'm Jerry Springer," she scoffs. When the second Connie turns to the original Connie, Nickel sticks her tongue out in a very mature fashion. "Choose the Doctor!" the new Connie orders the first.

"What?" original Connie asks. "Why?"

The second Connie sighs. "Trust me! I'm you from the _future_! I'm not even supposed to _be_ here! And the longer I stay, the bigger the paradox I'm creating becomes! I _had_ to warn you, though! You _have_ to choose the _Doctor_! The future depends on it!"

Holding her hands up in surrender, Connie rolls her eyes. "Okay! Jeez!" Satisfied, the future Connie nods, puts on her sunglasses, and jumps into the air, disappearing. Connie turns to Nickel. "I choose the Doctor!" she states.

Nickel can only stare slack-jawed. "Uh…what just…right…" She flips through her notes nervously, wanting to get back to a normal show. "Okay…would you rather spend Christmas at home with Amy and Rory, or travelling with the Doctor?"

Connie holds up packed suitcase for all to see. "Travelling!" she says in a sing-song voice.

"Would you rather see Santa slide down that chimney, or the Doctor land in your yard?" Nickel grins; she knew Connie would have a difficult time answering _this_ question.

As predicted, Connie's eyebrows scrunch together in concentration. "Oooh…that's a tough one…hmm…" Connie's eyes widen as the sound of a materializing TARDIS reaches her ears from back stage. "I GOTTA GO!" she shouts, grabbing her suitcase and sprinting back stage. "DOCTOR! WAIT FOR MEEEEE!"

Nickel is at a loss for words for a minute. Scratching the back of her neck, she turns to the camera. "Well…..our guest…left…so I guess that's the end of our show! Tune in next time when we see who is the sexiest: Captain Jack Harkness, the 11th Doctor, or our surprise guest! Just remember, don't blink and stay ginger! Bye!"

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**Oh hi! Leave me a request via PM and it shall be done (but please no slash. Though I have nothing against it, it's just not my thing to write)! Also, leave me a review and I'll love you forever! **


	3. SexyOff

***head desk* sometimes I really hate the damn plot bunnies. Not enough to get rid of them...just enough to wonder what exactly it is I've just written. *sigh* Oh well. This is for Cjabbott98.**

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_Backstage of the Who Wants To Be A Companion Set…_

"I'm the sexiest!"

"No, _I _am!"

"I DIS-AGREE!"

"Me!"

"Me!"

"ME!"

"Please! You're about as sexy as a Weeping Angel!"

"How _dare _you!? Well….you have the sex appeal of a Silent! As soon as the women leave, they forget all about you!"

"DALEKS ARE SUPERIOR!"

"Oh _ho_! Them's _fightin' _words!"

"Bring it on, Torch_wuss_!"

Cjabbott98 bursts into the room after hearing the 11th Doctor, Jack and a Dalek argue for the past ten minutes. Things had gotten quite heated and she could no longer stand it! How was she supposed to read fanfictions with all the noise?! "Boys, boys," she reprimanded them, "what's all this about?"

"Jack says that _he's _sexier than me!" the Doctor pouted adorably.

Jack straightened his military coat and snapped his suspenders, "That's 'cause I _am_!"

"INCORRECT! DALEKS ARE THE SUPERIOR RACE!" the Dalek protested.

"Are _not!_"

"ARE SO!"

"_Stop it!_" CJ bellowed, her voice reverberating off the walls powerfully. "Now, there's only one way to settle this. We are going to have a sexy-off!" The lights dim and a chair rises out of the floor. CJ sits on it and folds her hands on her lap. "So boys, there are three rounds. Whoever does the best, wins."

"Umm," Jack raised his hand hesitantly.

CJ nods at him, "Yes, Jack?"

"Do you do this often?"

"Shut it, Jack." CJ cleared her throat. "Now then, round number one is the "Sexy Look" round. Each of you give me your sexiest look." Jack gives CJ his adorable, crooked smile and adds in a wink for good measure, the Doctor gives her his "so hot when he's clever" look, and the Dalek…remains a Dalek. CJ scribbles down notes on a pad of paper and smiles.

"Round number two is the "Sexy Pose" round. Have at it boys!" Jack whips out a gun and points it off into the distance, choosing his "action hero" pose. The Doctor whips out his sonic screwdriver and pretends to read some scans, choosing his "confused but intrigued" pose. The Dalek spins around for a moment, thinking, then chooses his "I'm hot when I kill" look…which consists of him remaining a Dalek. Again, CJ writes down notes on each.

"Finally, round number three is the "Sexy Phrase" round." CJ waggles her eyebrows, "Come on, guys, make me swoon with fangirl happiness!" Jack turns to her, grins, and says his heart-melting "Well _hello_ there." The Doctor glares at him, wishing he'd have thought of that first. He eventually chooses to go with the line that creates butterflies in a girl's stomach. "Geronimo," he murmurs, peeking up at CJ through his eyelashes. The Dalek chooses the simple line that _everyone_ loves to hear. "WOULD YOU LIKE SOME TEA?!" CJ finishes off with a few more notes, and then reads out the totals for all to hear.

"So everyone," she tucks her hair behind her ears and grins, "each round was out of ten points. So, all in all, Jack got 30/30," Jack punches the air, "the Doctor got 30/30," the Doctor claps his hands in glee, "and the Dalek got 5/30." Everyone stares at CJ like she's gone mad. "What?" She shrugs, "I like tea."

The Dalek leaves dejectedly while the Doctor and Jack realize that they tied. Once again, they started to argue over who was the sexiest. CJ jumps between them and grabs them both by the shirt collars. "Guys," she murmurs seductively, "I think you're _both sexy as hell_."

Cjabbot98 then proceeds to make out with both of them and, somewhere in Canada, stupid_nickel once again bashes her head against a desk and wonders what exactly it is she's doing with her life.


	4. Questions

**This is for iulik who wanted to see the Doctor and Jack answer questions about each other!**

**So, ignore my perviness in this upload...I'm super tired, but I had to write it xD**

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"Hiya folks!" Nickel waves at her audience as the theme music plays. "Welcome back to this week's edition of 'Who Wants To Be A Companion?!' Today on our show, we have two very special guests! Back stage, we have the Tenth Doctor," she pauses, allowing the audience to applaud, "and Captain Jack Harkness!" The audience applauds again and Nickel grins. "So, here's what's going to happen; I'm going to bring them out, one at a time, and ask them the same questions. But, here's the twist! They'll be answering about each other!" There are many "ooh"s and "ahh"s heard from the audience.

One woman in the audience crosses her arms and frowns. "Well, that's not very entertaining!" she calls out. There's a collective gasp as she gets hit in the face with a laser beam and dies"

Nickel whistles innocently as she tucks the Master's laser screwdriver back into her jacket pocket. "Anymore interruptions?" she asks her terrified audience. "No? I didn't think so… Please welcome our first guest: THE DOCTOR!"

The Doctor waves at the audience as he walks out from backstage. He wraps Nickel in a hug. "Hallo!" he grins. "Good to see you, Nickel…you know…fully dres—"

Nickel shushes him, giggling, "Not in front of the kids!" She winks slyly at him, showing that there is no harm done.

Understanding dawns on the Doctor. "Right, sorry!"

Waving it off, Nickel smiles. "That's alright! So, Doctor, you know the rules?" The Doctor nods. "And you know you're answering about Captain Jack, right?" He nods again and Nickel claps her hands together. "Well, let's get started then!" The lighting dims as some serious music starts to play. The Doctor and Nickel put on their brainy specs simultaneously. "So," Nickel begins, "Donna, Rose, and Martha. Which would Jack shag, marry, and push off a cliff?"

The audience titters at Nickel's question, but none dare protest.

The Doctor however, laughs, his eyes twinkling. "Oh, he would shag all three! No doubts!"

Nickel shakes her head and chuckles at the Doctor's answer, but moves on. "Why does Jack wear what he does?"

Tilting his head adorably, the Doctor raises a brow. "What, the military coat?" Nickel nods. "Aw, that's an easy one! He wears it because it makes him feel powerful!" he states matter-of-factly. Conspiringly, he leans closer to Nickel. "Mind you, not that it actually does…it actually just makes him look like an immortal _prat_!" He laughs as the audience gasps. He holds his hands up in surrender, "I'm joking!" He then shakes his head and mouths "not really, though."

Nickel laughs throughout the Doctor's entire answer. She clutches at her sore abdomen muscles and manages to gasp out in between guffaws, "Which of your regenerations does Jack think is the hottest?"

"I'd have to say this one," the Doctor winks, "_especially_ when I'm wearing a leather jacket!" Someone in the audience starts to wolf whistle, but ceases immediately upon seeing Nickel's jealous glare.

Smoothing down her hair, Nickel turns back to the Doctor. "Final question! What do you think Jack would say if he were to see your eleventh incarnation today?" A clip of the 11th Doctor talking to Rory holding a mop and wearing a fez starts to play on a screen behind them.

Paling slightly, the Doctor thinks for a moment. "I think he would laugh, tell me how utterly _sexy_ I am, and ask what's up with the bow tie! Then he would ask me out…again…"

Getting up and hugging the Doctor, Nickel smiles. "Well, thank you very much Doctor, I'll see you later!" Leaning in closer to whisper into his ear, her eyes twinkle devilishly. "Don't forget the whipped cream!"

The Doctor leaves, grinning like a madman and there is a short commercial break before the game show music starts back up. "Welcome back to 'Who Wants To Be A Companion?!' Nickel addresses her audience watching at home. "Please welcome our next guest: CAPTAIN JACK HARKNESS!"

"Hello!" Jack salutes her. "Good to see you, Nickel…you know…fully dres—"

Nickel shushes him as well, giggling. "Not in front of the _kids_!" she insists, winking. Turning to the audience, Nickel smirks. "That's RIGHT folks! I GET THEM BOTH!" she brags before laughing at their heartbroken expressions. Jack clearing his throat brings her back to reality. "Right, sorry! So, Jack, you know the rules?" He nods. "And you know you're answering about the Doctor, right?" He nods again. "Well, let's get started then!" The lighting dims once again as serious music starts to play. Jack winks at the audience, causing everyone to swoon. "So—Donna, Rose, Martha. Which would the Doctor shag, marry, and push off a cliff?"

Jack laughs. "Oh, that's _too_ easy. He would shag Donna, _marry_ Rose (obviously), and push Martha off a cliff." Leaning closer to Nickel, he whispers into her ear, "He never actually _liked_ Martha in the first place."

Nickel rolls her eyes. "Okay then. Why does the Doctor wear what he does?"

"What, the suit he never takes off?" Nickel nods. "Haha! He wears it because it makes him feel smart! Mind you, it actually _does_…but my point still stands! And, to be honest, he looks smart in more ways than one!"

When Jack looks off towards backstage, waggling his eyebrows suggestively and licking his lips, Nickel clears her throat awkwardly. "Which of his regenerations does the Doctor think is the hottest?"

Jack doesn't even take a second's pause. "I'd have to say the one he's in now…when he's wearing a leather jacket! _Only_ a leather jacket." There are more wolf whistles and Nickel glares at the audience again, only to realize it was her and Jack whistling. She twirls her hair around her finger flirtatiously. "Final question! What do you think the Doctor would say if he were to see his 11th incarnation today?" She plays the clip of the eleventh Doctor talking to Rory holding a mop and wearing a fez.

Smirking, Jack leans back in his chair. "I think he would curse the fact that he's still not ginger! And then tell me that, like bananas, fezzes are cool…"

Nickel grins. "Well, thank you very much Jack, I'll see you later!" She hugs him and whispers into his ear, "Don't forget the chocolate sauce!" With another wave and a smirk, Jack leaves. "Well folks, that's our show! Tune in next time to 'Who Wants To Be A Companion?!' Cause, really, anything could happen!"


	5. Romance, Thine Name Be Dalek

**Wow! Thanks so much for the fantastic response! Sorry I didn't update sooner, it's been a hectic weekend.**

**Thanks to:**

**Ta Dziewczyna, Live to Daydream, Kimikono, Little Nerdling, Safi-ry, and TheStarKidsHaveThePhoneBox (nice AVPM reference) for stalking.**

**jebjenniewren, Live to Daydream, Qu0thTheRavenNeverm0re, OptimisticLivvy, Kimikono, and Safi-ry for favoriting.**

**And to everyone who reviewed/PMed!**

**rya-fire1- yes, of course! :)**

**Qu0thTheRavenNeverm0re- haha thanks xD I tend to have that effect on people ;) Glad you liked it so much! Thanks for the information, I'll see what I can do!**

**OptimisticLivvy- lol thanks! My little sister (she's 12) actually said that as she read that chapter over my shoulder. I just HAD to put it in xD I dunno, I quite like Jack ;) 11's sexy too, but I think Jack would win, personally :P Honestly, I didn't really like either of them. They were okay and all, but I liked Donna best for sure. Rose was too whiny and needy and "OMGMYDOCTORITHOUGHTIWASSPECI ALLL!" and Martha needed to not be so "let me be your rebound chick." That's just my opinion, they were both good characters, I just didn't like them :/**

**Kimikono- thanks!**

**Safi-ry- *hits button on her Vortex Manipulator zapping the Doctor back to her* please, did you think I'd leave him unprotected? HAHAHAHA**

**TheStarKidsHaveThePhoneBox- thanks! Yes, yes you can. Yum! Potassium!**

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_We interrupt your scheduled programing to bring you a special message from out sponsors:_

The 'Who Wants To Be A Companion?' stage is lit up. There are four chairs sitting in a row in the center of the arena. The theme music starts to play and the audience claps.

Smiling and waving, Nickel walks onto the stage and sits in the far left chair. "Hi folks, and welcome back to 'Who Wants To Be A Companion?' Today we have a very special treat for you all! Please welcome…the tenth Doctor, Rory, and another Dalek!" The audience cheers as they walk onto stage and each sit in a chair. Turning to them, Nickel straightens her bow tie. "So guys," she says, "do you know why you're here?"

"Well," drawls the Doctor, "not exactly…"

"TO EX-_TER_-MINATE?!" shouts the Dalek. Nickel shakes her head no, causing the Dalek to look crestfallen.

Rory raises his hand tentatively. "Um, I was promised pie…"

Rolling her eyes, Nickel sighs. She shakes her head, "What _moron_ is in charge of telling you guys what type of episode you're going to appear on?" They all point at Nickel, causing her to blush in embarrassment. "Oh…right…" She turns to one of the cameramen awkwardly. "We can edit that bit out, right? No? Shit…"

With a flip of her hair, Nickel turns back to her guests, "Alright, so today, we have a secret contestant backstage. And you are all competing for," there is a drumroll, "a _date_ with her!" The audience hoots and hollers as Nickel's guests share shocked expressions and begin to protest.

"But…Rose…"

"I'm sort of married right now…"

"DALEKS DO NOT DATE!"

"I'm a Time Lord…it would never work!"

"She's Scottish and would kick my a—"

"WHO IS IN CHARGE HERE?!"

"I don't think you're even allowed to _do_ that!"

"Seriously, Amy can be really terrifying when she's angry."

"I WISH TO SPEAK WITH UPPER MANAGEMENT!"

The bellyaching ends abruptly when Nickel pulls a lightsaber out of her jacket and threatens them with it. "That's better," she grins. "So, here's the rules; I'm going to ask a few questions and whoever has the best answers will go on the date! This is decided by the audience. Is everyone ready?" There is a chorus of "no"s and Nickel laughs. "Good. Keep in mind; you have no choice in this." After a few minutes of fancy lighting and music, Nickel begins asking questions.

"Question number one: what is your idea of a perfect date?"

The Doctor answers first, deciding to get this silly game over with. "Well, I'd like to go for a nice run, holding hands of course, and possibly save a planet or two. Destitute civilizations are the perfect first date locations!" The audience gapes at him, his answer not quite unexpected.

Rory shakes his head; he couldn't believe that the Doctor used to be so…okay, he _could _believe it. "Personally," he says, "I would take her to a nice restaurant for dinner, maybe a movie. I'd pay, obviously, and afterwards, depending on how things go, we might just sit outside and talk." A few girls in the audience sigh, wishing that _they_ had a Rory.

"PUH-LEASE!" screams the Dalek, rolling its eyestalk. "THOSE ARE INFERIOR IDEAS! I WOULD BE THE SUPERIOR DATE! I WOULD TAKE THE FEMALE TO SKARO AND TRANSFORM HER INTO A DALEK! WE ARE SUPERIOR! DALEKS SHALL BE VIC-_TOR_-IOUS!" A cricket chirps in the audience, silenced when an Ood turns the ringer on his phone to silent.

Disguising her laugh as a cough, Nickel tries to suppress a grin. "Thank you for those…um…_interesting_ answers. The second question is: Who was your first love?"

"I'd…uh…I'd rather not talk about that," the Doctor replies tearfully, reminded of all he lost when Gallifrey was destroyed. A box of tissues flies at him from somewhere in the audience. He catches it skillfully and blows his nose.

Rory pats him on the back comfortingly. "My first love?" he asks. "I met her when I was just a kid and I knew, right then, that I wanted to marry her someday." Beaming joyfully, he turns to the audience. "A couple years back, I did just that." A collective "aww" circulates the audience, their hearts melting for the Ponds.

"DALEKS HAVE NO NEED FOR LOVE!" shrieks the Dalek. "I DO NOT KNOW WHAT _LOVE_ FEELS LIKE!" A single, tiny drop of oil falls from its eyestalk as it wonders if this is what _sadness_ feels like.

Nickel clears he throat awkwardly, and uncomfortable Silence entering the room. After asking him to leave, she turns back to her guests. "Okay. So this is the final question. What is the most romantic thing you've ever done for someone?"

Smiling fondly at the memory of Rose, the Doctor sighs. "I burned up a sun to say goodbye. Then I let her live my life with my other self." The audience claps happily, remembering these events well. One person runs out, bawling over "how sad" it had been.

Sitting up a bit straighter, Rory clears his throat. "I waited two thousand years for her." The audience cheers.

The Dalek thinks for a moment, not really having any "romantic" memories. "I DID NOT EX-_TER_-MINATE HER!" he decides on, proudly screaming to the heavens.

Nickel waits a moment for the audience to vote, before a short, purple, bald man walks up to her and gives her a sealed envelope. "The votes are in!" she declares as the man leaves the stage. "But, before I announce the winner, let's find out who our mystery guest is! Please but your hands together for…**Little Nerdling**!"

The audience cheers as Nerdling walks onto the stage. Giggling, she waves at the crowd. "Hiya guys!"

"This is it," Nickel grins, "the moment you've all been waiting for. The winner of a date with Nerdling is…" There is another drumroll as Nickel opens the envelope and reads the contents. She blinks in confusion. "…the Dalek?!" She turns to the audience, "Seriously, guys? You chose the Dalek?" When the audience nods, Nickel shrugs, "Whatever. Congratulations to Nerdling and the Dalek for your date. Good luck to the both of you!"

As the credits roll and Nerdling and the Dalek exit, the Dalek pauses just long enough to scream one last thing.

"YES! FINALLY, DALEKS HAVE BEATEN THE DOC-_TOR_ AT SOMETHING!"

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**So, PM me if you would like to be on the show! Also, I love reviews ;)**

**To everyone who wants to be on the show, I WILL get to your request, but I've got a few of them so you're gonna have to be patient :P**


	6. Pie

**SORRYSORRYSORRY about the late update. RL and university and work and hangovers and all that.**

**Alright, so this is a short one (sorry, Safi-ry, if you wanted it to be longer), but it's what popped into my head and I kinda like it :P In case you didn't realize, it's for Safi-ry!**

**Thanks to TheTardisIsBlue for stalking and favoriting me and the story, Time-Lady-Lindy for favoriting the story and me, TheAustralianZombie for stalking, ConiferShort for stalking, Seiga Niko favoriting and stalking, and DeathOfSanity for stalking me and the story!**

**Little Nerdling- haha I thought you might like that :P no problem!**

**Cjabbott98- I know right? I just wanna pinch his cheeks! it IS a good movie! "As you wish." *SWOON***

**CaskettInWhoville- thanks :)**

**OptimisticLivvy- yes, I agree. Haha thanks, I was in a punny mood that day :P**

**Safi-ry- yes. I promised you a while back already xD This one's for you! and OMG I DIED laughing when I read your PM xD "Ninth Doctor: there's always me! You: SHUT UP YOU GET ROSE! Ninth Doctor: ..." TOO funny!**

**Kimikono- yes-sir-ee-bob. I shall get on that!**

**TheStarKidsHaveThePhoneBox- yeah...but did you see Asylum of the Daleks?! O.O**

**TheTardisIsBlue- WELL OF COURSE!**

**Time-Lady-Lindy- haha thanks xD and SURE you can!**

**jebjenniewren- hmmm...maybe a tiny one :P I didn't wanna ruin anything for anyone. lol thanks :P**

**Ashena-Iulik- thanks xD Except for me. He's in my house, making me cookies! :D**

**Seiga Niko- lol thanks :P Sidelines are fine, but feel free to put in a request. I'm going in the order I get them, so it's first come, first served. Hmm...not sure who I'd pick. probably Jack ;) I'm the host, I'll do as I please!**

**Live to Daydream- haha yeup. I love Daleks. They're just great! xD Unless they're exterminating you, yeah, not good then...**

**DeathOfSanity- thanks so much :) I'm doing prompts too, so bear that in mind :P**

* * *

Safi-ry bounces up and down in her chair on stage, excitement bursting through her veins. She. Was. _Loving this!_

"So," Nickel grins mischievously, "you've got two companions left to choose from." She gestures to the stage where Martha and Rose are standing nervously; Jack, Rory, Amy, Donna, and River all standing off to the side. "Who's it gonna be?"

Grinning widely, Safi-ry points to Martha. "No doubt about it!" she laughs. Rose cheers as she runs over to join the rest of the companions while Martha is put into the stocks—Nickel had to order them _especially_ for tonight's show.

"Come on!" Martha whines, "Please, don't do this! I promise I'll be less annoying _next _time!"

Spinning a banana-cream pie expertly on her finger, Safi-ry nods towards Rose. "Wanna help me with this?" she grins. Rose nods and jogs over to join her. She picks up a coconut-cream pie. "On three. One, two, three!"

"Noo!" cries Martha as the pies are launched at her. Soon, everyone joins in—even Nickel and the audience.

Luckily, Nickel got 4502 pies for the evening!

When they run out of pies, Martha is covered from head to toe in the delicious pastries. "I hate this game," she grumbles.

Jack saunters up to her, a smirk on his face, and swipes a bit of pie off of her face and onto his finger. He pops it into his mouth. He groans appreciatively, "But at least you taste good!"

* * *

**Lol I made myself laugh :P **

**Again, sorry it's short. But I hope you like it anyways :) If you have a request, feel free to PM me :)**


	7. Casanova

**Hello! Sorry about the wait. RL sucks when you're starting university, working two jobs, and trying to have a life along with writing. Sorry about the wait. This is for hogwartsmockingjaysilvertong ue. aka HMST.**_  
_

**Thanks to AliasMarie for favoriting and stalking, and to for stalking.**

**TheStarKidsHaveThePhoneBox- Thanks :) mmm, he is a flirt, isn't her ;) S**

**TheTardisIsBlue- haha thanks. it seemed like something he would do! And yeah...i think I have food in a lot of the chapters xD**

**Safi-ry- yay! you liked it!**

**AliasMarie- Aww man, I wish I could! I could be the Graham Norton of Canada! :D**

**sciphy- lol thanks :P yeah, I can see that. And she totally WAS a rebound companion. Ick. as for the number, it was a completely impressive scientific process, consisting of prime numbers, imaginary numbers, addition, multiplication, and variables. *read: I made it up* and sure!**

**Kimikono- thanks :) there are five people ahead of you...but that's better than some!**

**Seiga Niko- lol thanks :D yum, that he is, that he is! And sure! **

**Live to Daydream- i think EVERYONE would throw pie at her :P actually...I would pick Rose. Martha would be my second choice.**

** - sure you can! and not a million...only 10 other than yours :P**

* * *

_Previously on Who Wants To Be A Companion?!..._

"_WOULD YOU LIKE SOME TEA?!"_

_And now back to our regularly scheduled program._

The lights go out.

A drum roll is heard.

Someone steps out onto the stage in complete darkness. A flashlight clicks on, illuminating Nickel's face from under her chin. "Good evening," she grins evilly, "and welcome back! Tonight, you will be terrified out of your wits. Tonight, you will scream. _Tonight_, you will go running home to your mother crying. When she asks what's wrong, you will hug her and say—"

"Umm…why is it so dark in here?" a voice asks. The lights flicker back on and Nickel pouts. Hogwartsmockingjaysilvertong ue, who from this moment on will be called "HMST," stands by the light switch, concern filling her features.

"HMST," Nickel whines, "I was trying to _scare _them!"

"But this isn't a scary show…"

Glaring, Nickel puts her finger to a button, about to send HMST into a black hole for ruining her fun, when the Doctor arrives. "Nickel! Wait!" he cries, running towards her. "HMST is one of the guests! You aren't _allowed_ to get rid of her!"

Grumbling quite loudly and angrily—her language causing a group of the Headless Monks to leave in shame—Nickel puts away the button. "Fine." She turns back to the audience, about to restart her show, when a man, who looks strangely like a young David Tennant, bursts into the room.

"Hold everything!" he cries, waving his arms sporadically.

Nickel pauses. "Who the hell are you?"

Striking a pose—one of which is illegal in seven states in America and one Canadian providence—the man grins. "The name's Casanova; world's greatest lover!" His wink causes all the women to swoon and the Doctor to roll his eyes.

"Hey!" Nickel grins, "that gives me an idea!" The audience titters, a few parents—and an Ood or two—glare at Nickel. She rolls her eyes. "Oh, get your minds out of the gutter," she scoffs. "I was _gonna_ say that the Doctor and Cassie here should battle it out! …Via Ping-Pong!"

"Umm…it's _Casanova_, not—"

"Shut it."

The audience cheers and applauds. "Ayo! Baby, let's go!" cries out HMST, throwing her hands into the air. When the audience groans at her use of song lyrics, HMST sulks. "Well _I_ thought it was cleaver," she pouts.

The battle of table-tennis between the Time Lord and Shakespearian Sex-God is close. After playing for a brutal half-hour (which we have edited out of the show because frankly, Nickel is too lazy to write it all out), the men are tied.

"Alright," Nickel shouts into a megaphone, "the next point wins!" A hush falls over the crowd. Both men wipe beads of sweat from their brows as HMST sits in the corner, silently cheering on the Doctor.

The Doctor serves, Casanova spikes it back, the Doctor fakes right, and Casanova fakes left. After a few behind-the-back and under-the-leg hits, Casanova finally scores a point. The crowd cheers loudly as Casanova points at the Doctor victoriously. "You owe me a chicken!" is barely heard as the Doctor runs out of the room, HMST chasing after him to "cheer him up."

Nickel walks up to Casanova and places an arm around his shoulder. "So," she purrs, licking her lips, "what shall we do now?"

_Later…_

Nickel throws down her four aces and laughs. "I win! Take 'em off!" Grinning at Casanova, she finds she doesn't _need _to undress him with her eyes.

God, she loved strip-poker.

* * *

**Yes, I AM still taking requests, but it WILL take a while to get to yours. You just have to be patient!**


	8. Whovian Idol

**What's this? Another update? So soon?! Wow, this is what happens when I don't wanna do homework xD**

**This is for CasckettInWhoville who got me to make this into it's own story!**

**Thanks to for the favorite!**

**TheAustralianZombie/OperaGoddess- I like both names :P and yeah, page four of requests xD Buuuuut...I'm not just putting down names. I'm putting down everything they want included as well! I'm glad you liked it :P And yes, not a problem with the name change :P I'm glad you appreciate my writing :) It's what every writer strives to hear, so it really made my day :)**

**Kimikono- patient is good :) and every time I see your username, I think I somehow commented on my own thing...I'm like "Kim...hey! Oh wait..." Yeah, I'm a loser xD**

**sciphy- ...sorry, don't know who that is...**

**TheStarKidsHaveThePhoneBox- AND ALSO CAUSE DAVID TENNANT PLAYED CASANOVA WORLDS GREATEST LOVER IN A TV SHOW WHEN HE WAS A BIT YOUNGER! YEAH THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED! *Nickel swoons as well***

**PeaceLoveAndCheese- Yeah! Come on, Doctor, get with it! lol. And hmm...that's a good idea. I'm glad I thought of it! ;)**

**Ashena-Iulik- oh goody! He's just delicious, isn't he? MINE! *takes him and runs away***

**OptimisticLivvy- WOO! And hmm... *goes and checks* YUP! One more before yours!**

**Seiga Niko- Gotta love how Rory went from awkward nurse-boy to badass "I think I found a Dalek egg" Roman! *swoon* Thanks and no problem :P**

* * *

As the theme music starts to play, a hush falls over the audience; there is something different about this version. "Yes folks, that's right!" Nickel grins. "Today, we are having a very special show…WHOVIAN IDOL!" The crowd erupts in cheering as the contestants enter the stage. There is a Silent, a Dalek, a Weeping Angel, and CasckettInWhoville. "So, each of YOU in the audience," Nickel looks directly at those behind a computer and breaks the fourth wall for a moment, "yes, YOU there reading this, all have the chance to vote! The poll ends by the next episode—whenever _that_ might be." The audience laughs at Nickel's inability to consistently update her stories. "Up first, is the Silent!"

The Silent walks to center stage and clears its throat. Then, in a deep, raspy voice, it sings a Simon and Garfunkel song:

"_Hello darkness, my old friend  
I've come to talk with you again  
Because a vision softly creeping  
Left its seeds while I was sleeping  
And the vision that was planted in my brain  
Still remains  
Within the sound of silence."_

The audience applauds before blinking in confusion. Why were they clapping again? Nickel walks back into the spotlight, removing a single, suspicious-looking eye patch as she goes. "Alright folks, wasn't that great?! Next up, the Dalek!"

"IF YOU DO NOT CLAP, YOU WILL BE EXTERMINATED!" it shrieks as it moves forward and screams:

"_Torn apart at the seams and my dreams turn to tears  
I'm not feeling this situation  
Run away, try to find a safe place to hide  
It's the best place to be when you're feeling like  
Me, me, yeah, yeah  
All these things I hate revolve around  
Me, me, yeah, yeah  
Just back off before I snap."_

There is a timid clapping as it goes backstage, no one wanting to get exterminated. Nickel walks back on stage, holding up a terrified audience member as a human shield. "Well that was…interesting…" Throwing the man back into his chair, she straightens her shirt. "Next up, the Weeping Angel!"

The Angel doesn't move. The Angel doesn't speak. It remains a statue as the instrumental version of "Concrete Angel" by Martina McBride plays. When it finishes, there is the sound of a cricket chirping. Everyone glares at the Oods. They simply shrug; all of their phones are on silent. Jiminy looks around before straightening his top hat. "Well," he scoffs, "_I _thought it was good!"

"…Riiiiiight…" Nickel scratches her head in confusion; a Disney character? Really? "Anyways…CasckettInWhoville, you're our last hope! Blow us away!"

Casckett clears her throat and begins to sing:

"_New teeth, that's weird,  
Give me a minute to get my mouth in gear,  
Just wanna check that everything still works.  
Legs!  
Still got legs,  
And there's life in this old horse yet,  
And I know there's going to be an awful lot of running to do.  
Geronimo!  
Head, shoulders, knees and toes,  
Don't talk about that nose,  
And what a chin!  
I think that's everything,  
I'm good as new...  
But still not ginger."_

By this point, the audience is clapping their hands and bobbing their heads to the beat, thoroughly enjoying themselves. Casckett grins and finishes her song.

"_Now what's this?  
Fish fingers and mustard?  
I've got a feeling it'd be better with custard.  
(The worst part is that it's actually kind of tasty... Allons-y! )  
Head, shoulders, knees and toes,  
Don't think about that nose,  
And what a chin!  
I think that's everything,  
I'm good as new...  
But still not ginger."_

The audience blows the roof off with their cheering—which really annoys Nickel, seeing as she's going to have to get someone to fix that. She wipes a hand down her face. "Well, that's it for today. Everybody, remember to vote for your favorite! YOU choose the winner! Allons-y!"

There is another round of applause for all of the performers before the ending credits roll.

* * *

**So folks, don't forget to send in your vote! Who do YOU want to see win? The Silent? The Dalek? The Weeping Angel? Or CasckettInWhoville? THE REVIEWS ARE THE VOTES! I NEED THEM!**

**PS- songs lyrics are from (in this order):**

**The Sound of Silence by Simon and Garfunkel**

**All These Things I Hate by Bullet For My Valentine**

**and Still Not Ginger by Chameleon Circuit**


	9. Whovian Idol Results

**Well, finally got THIS written. Here are the results, and also, an episode for rya-fire1 who simply wanted to be in the show.**

**Random tidbit of knowledge: The song the Silent sang was about silence, the Dalek was singing screamo, the Angel sang Concrete Angel, and Casckett sang a Chameleon Circuit song, written by Whovians, FOR Whovians! That's right! No random song choices here!**

**Thanks to rya-fire1, hogwartsmockingjaysilvertong ue, and DoctorWhotaliaandtheOlympian s for the favorites!**

**CasckettInWhoville- haha no problem. And no...no stalkers here...nope...**

** - I know. Weird, right?**

**sciphy- Oh man, so I finally watched it...DEAD! TOO FUNNY! And also...that is possibly the weirdest thing I've ever heard...OF COURSE it will go in!**

**TheStarKidsHaveThePhoneBox- Aren't they great?! And come on, you're just jealous that YOU didn't get to play ;)**

**PeaceLoveAndCheese- PLAC? PLAC?! NOOO! Oh, you're alright. Good. And...um...yeah I actually LIKE math...**

**rya-fire1- Not my song, Chameleon Circuit. Check them out! They're great!**

**Seiga Niko- Yes. Yes it is. RUN NIKO, RUN!**

**Ashena-Iulik- Yeah, it actually does. Haha parents. They just don't understand!**

**Kimikono- Thanks for your vote!**

**OptimisticLivvy- Couldn't resist bringing it back xD **

**Girl With Starry Eyes- GASP! Don't...like...Camel-I can't even say it...Oh well. xD Thanks for the vote! :)**

**hogwartsmockingjaysilvertong ue- haha no problem xD **

**Spike20096- Love them so much!**

**Time-Lady-Lindy- Good enough reason for me!**

**swordsandstories- Thanks! And yes, I will put you on the show...eventually... *looks at the piles of requests and "hmm"s* Yeah, had to give them at least ONE win xD **

**Qu0thTheRavenNeverm0re- Thanks for the vote!**

**DoctorWhoaliaandtheOlympians - Thanks! And yes, of course!**

**AlaisMarie- Oh well, to each their own. I think that, as of this moment, I pretty much AM the Canadian fangirl Graham Norton...huh. Yes I will do that, and oh well. I don't really care how I get the requests, I was just told that you're supposed to get them PMed to you, rather than in the reviews. *stuffs a Jammy Dodger in her mouth* Thanks.**

* * *

As the theme music is played, the audience claps. "Who Wants To Be A Companion?!" flashes in neon lights on the stage. After a moment, the audience stops clapping; they can hear someone humming the music. A spotlight is shone on rya-fire1, who is sitting in Nickel's chair, her eyes shut as she hums happily. Once the music stops, she opens her eyes and grins. "Well hey there, folks! Welcome to 'Who Wants To Be A Companion?!'"

No one applauds; they all stare at Rya in confusion. "Hey!" cries out one brave soul. "Where's Nickel?!"

Rya taps her fingers—one-two-three-four, one-two-three-four, one-two-three-four—as she glares at the audience member. "_Nickel_," she spits, "is…well…a bit _busy_ at the moment…" She laughs evilly as thunder booms and lightening crashes, which is strange, seeing as everyone is indoors.

Too afraid to question her, the audience awaits Rya's announcements. "Today on our show," she grins, "we have the results from 'Whovian Idol!' You all voted, so let's get our contestants up here!" A glare is all it takes to make the audience cheer fearfully.

The contestants walk onto the stage, nervously awaiting the results.

"Bill the Silent," calls Rya. Bill walks to stand center-stage with her. There is a drumroll as Rya opens the envelope in her hands. She reads the contents and looks up at Bill. "Sorry, but you have been…_disqualified_! Unfortunately, you were supposed to sing, and you didn't. Bye now!"

Bill tries to protest, to tell her that he _did_ in fact sing, she just can't remember, but he is sucked down a trapdoor before he gets the chance.

"Steve the Dalek!"

Steve wheels up to Rya and shouts "I HOPE I HAVE WON!"

Rya shakes her head. "Sorry, Steve, but you didn't. Now get off the stage before I call the Doctor."

There is a brief pause before Steve screams "DOCTOR…_WHO_?!" He is then shot out of a cannon and out of the building.

"Benedict the Weeping Angel!" Rya waits for a moment, but when he doesn't come up on his own accord, she calls him again. There is no response. She groans and rolls her eyes. "Well, that doesn't matter. You didn't win anyways! YO JOEY! GET HIM OUTTA HERE!" she shouts to a man with a wheelbarrow. As he is being wheeled offstage, Benedict feels a single, stone tear fall slowly down his face.

A scream from behind her makes Rya cringe. She turns to see Casckett jumping up and down, clapping her hands shouting "I won! I won! I WON!"

While Rya is distracted, Nickel sneaks onto the set. She is covered in cuts and bruises, her clothing torn and mangled. Coming up behind Rya, Nickel hits her in the back of the head with a frying pan, knocking her out cold. "Throw me to a bunch of hell hounds, will ya?! That's not enough to keep me from my show! JOEY!"

Nickel smiles sweetly at the audience while Joey drags Rya's limp body away. She breathes heavily, trying to catch her breath, and hands Casckett a trophy as the ending credits roll and the audience applauds.

* * *

**Can I ask you guys a favor? Can we put the requests on hold? Just for a little bit?!**

**I'm up to my eyeballs in requests at the moment (On page FIVE of Word). I will GLADLY continue taking requests, but would you mind holding off, just until I catch up a bit? With school and work and everything, it's making it hard to keep up. **

**Everyone who has a request in already, will have it made. If you still want to be on the show, and haven't asked yet, just wait for a little bit, please. I'll let you know when I'm ready to take more.**

**Love and Jammy Dodgers,**

**-Nickel**


	10. Stop That, Livvy

**So, I'll bet that, from this chapter, you can't tell what movie I just watched? Tee hee!**

**This one's for OptimisticLivvy who asked for herself, Eleven, a fez, and kinkiness ;)**

**Thanks to Lokitty for favoriting and stalking the story.**

**CasckettInWhoville - *hands a bouquet of flowers* Congrats! And no problem xD**

**Seiga Niko - *sends Steve the Dalek a fruit basket to placate him* Haha thanks :P And this should keep Steve off your tail for a while. Take a break!**

**AliasMarie - Haha thanks, glad you liked it, even if you WERE a tad confused :P *scarfs down the cookie***

**Kimikono - *eats all the Jammy Dodgers***

**OptimisticLivvy - Yeah, sad thing is...that would probably happen xD**

**rya-fire1 - Haha I know you're not that bad. But I couldn't resist xD And it's _really _fun playing a bad guy! *shudders in fear* And yes, fine.**

**Girl With Starry Eyes - *sigh* I say no more requests, yet I continue to take them...*facepalm* Fine, sure. No promises on whether or not you'll make it out alive ;)**

**PeaceLoveAndCheese - *Points and laughs* Haha for having to do it twice! Bet you did better the second time around, though. *winks* Spoilers! Hmm...You are role playing Doctor Who characters? And you're going to be...the Doctor? An angel? River Song? ...you are so not going to want to watch it in Manhattan... o.O Dude, Sponge Bob is amazing! *flails***

**DoctorWhotaliaandtheOlympian s - *eats the cookies* Man...I'm going to weigh 123542196154 pounds by the time this is uploaded!**

**TheStarKidsHaveThePhoneBox - *smirks* I knew it! Yeah, I always find it funny when something scary is named Bob or Steve xD**

**swordsandstories - *blushes* D'aww...thanks... :P Chameleon Circuit is an actual band. They write Trock or Time Lord Rock. Please, youtube them and die happy! Haha don't worry. Takes more than a hell hound to do me in! *victory pose***

**Little Nerdling - Thanks!**

* * *

Nickel dances on stage, the theme music extremely upbeat. The audience claps along to the beat before realizing what the song is, raising their eyebrows simultaneously. Nickel sings at the top of her lungs.

"DON'T STOP! BELEEEEEIVING! Something, something, FEEEEEEELING!" She freezes when she sees the audience. "Oh…right…forgot I had a show scheduled…" Nickel blushes and, before she can apologize, OptimisticLivvy swaggers in, her face covered in a green mask.

"Weeeell, hello Nickel!" she grins. With a snap of her fingers, she is wearing a fez.

Raising an eyebrow, Nickel looks from Livvy, to the audience, and back to Livvy. "Uh…you okay, Livvy?" she asks.

"Marvelous, fantastic, never been better!" Livvy licks her lips and wiggles her fingers. "Found this mask in the river—I am _loving_ the power!"

"Oh boy," groans Nickel. This wasn't going to be good.

Livvy begins to spin, faster and faster, until she looks like a blur. When she stops, she's wearing the dress of a Rockette, including fishnet tights.

An audience member stands up and Nickel groans again—why did they always have to interrupt? It never ended well for them! "This is just like that Jim Carrey movie!" they shout. With another snap of her fingers, Livvy turns them into a spoon.

"Now," she says, "what I _really_ came here for…" Livvy snaps her fingers and the audience "ooh"s—the eleventh Doctor is now handcuffed to a chair, his shirt off. Livvy's head turns into that of a cartoon wolf's and she whistles before sauntering over and trailing a finger up his arm.

"OKAY!" shouts Nickel. "You need to get a room, because we _can't_ _air_ _this_! Did you hear me? Livvy, what are you doing? Livvy…STOP THAT, LIVVY! LIVVY, I SWEAR—"

_- We appear to be having technical difficulties. We apologize for any inconvenience. -_

* * *

**So I've got a quick question for you. Would it be alright with you all if I had more than one of you in an episode? It would help me get through requests quicker, meaning you could start requesting sooner. If you're against it, I won't. Let me know in the reviews!**


	11. Facing Fears

**Oh hey there!** **So, this is for Qu0thTheRavenNeverm0re, TheStarKidsHaveThePhoneBox, and Kimikono. Thanks to Neverm0re for the inspiration! **

**Thanks to Shinepool of Brambleclan for stalking!**

**Kimikono - ...I was hungry...was I NOT supposed to eat them?**

**rya-fire1 - *Shudders in fear***

**DoctorWhotaliaandtheOlympian s - Okay, cool!**

**Seiga Niko - *Passes a glass of water* Hehe thanks xD **

**AliasMarie - Lol yeah...should have put a warning on the tin...oh...wait xD It is SO funny! Watch it. Seriously. And yeah, I wasn't thinking more than that. It'd be a bit TOO much. *Adds the suggestion to her list* *Noms pie***

**sciphy - Very close! It was just The Mask. Great movie! Awesome! Glad to hear it!**

**TheStarKidsHaveThePhoneBox - *Bows* Thanks. And here you go!**

**PeaceLoveAndCheese - ...uh...what just happened... o.O**

**DeathOfSanity - Sure!**

**OptimisticLivvy - :D Thanks, glad you liked it! Why has no one seen that movie? It's great!**

** - Great! Thanks!**

**swordsandstories - Haha yeah, that was a really fun episode to write xD Thanks.**

**Time-Lady-Lindy - Great!**

**Woah! So I recognize all of your names, dear reviewers. I love you all.**

**You know what that means though, right? I need some more new reviewers! Don't be shy! Step right up! I'd love to add you to my "People I know on fanfiction" clan!**

* * *

Flashing lightning and crashing thunder welcomes the audience today. Shrieks and screams come from every corner of the studio. Nickel jumps down from the ceiling dressed as a sexy cop, wielding Thor's hammer, and a hockey mask. "Good evening, all! And welcome, to a terrifying episode! Today—"

"What are you supposed to be?!"

Nickel's eye twitches. "WHO DARES INTERRUPT ME?!" she booms, glaring at the audience.

One brave soul stands, raising her hand high above her head. "It was I," she admits, holding her head high, "and I stand by that decision." Placing her hands on her hips, the audience member stares at the host.

Nickel narrows her eyes at the girl. "Nevermore," she growls, "my old nemesis."

Nevermore raises an eyebrow. "Yeah…you aren't my nemesis—"

"_My. Old. Nemesis._" Rolling her eyes, Nevermore allows Nickel to continue. "Since you asked, I am a sexy cop serial killer who wields Thor's hammer. _And_, since you are _obviously_ not going to be quiet, why don't you come up here and be on the show?" The audience applauds when Nevermore walks onto the stage.

Turning to the camera, Nickel grins wickedly. "Today, we're going to face our fears! Bwahahaha!" Coughing, she decides she needs to work on her evil laugh. "StarKids, Kimi, come on out!" Cheering erupts as they enter the set and stand next to Nevermore. "Well, my pretties, I have each of your worst fears behind the curtains!"

Kimi raises her hand timidly. "Yes, what is it?" Nickel asks, tapping her foot in impatience.

"I was just wondering…why?" Looking like she's terrified of Nickel, Kimi hides behind StarKids, who takes a step to the right, out of possible-harm's way.

Nickel simply smiles. "Because I'm bored."

Gulping, Kimi steps in front of CURTAIN NUMBER ONE, wondering what could be behind it. Nickel snaps her fingers and the curtain opens, revealing the tenth Doctor. At first, Kimi beams, happy that the Doctor is there. _'He'll protect me,'_ she thinks in relief. That is, until the Doctor glares at Kimi and raises his screwdriver. "You've brought this upon yourself," he accuses her, deadpanned as he points the sonic at her. With a shriek, Kimi runs out of the building.

Chuckling, Nickel reveals the Doctor to be a robot—a fake. She then turns to StarKids, pointing at CURTAIN NUMBER TWO. StarKids scoffs, "I'm not afraid of anything! I can totally take whatever you throw at me!" She punches the air victoriously. "_Bring it on!_" Nickel snaps her fingers and the curtains open, revealing…nothing. "Ha!" laughs StarKids. "I didn't think you'd take that so literally!"

With a sly smile, Nickel points to StarKids' feet. Looking down, StarKids gasps.

She has two shadows. "AYEEEEE!" Only a cloud of dust is left behind as StarKids runs away. The extra shadow is reviled to have been a lighting trick; Nickel thanks Jim the Slitheen.

Turning to Nevermore, Nickel waggles her eyebrows. "Not too late to turn back," she taunts. Nevermore shakes her head, a wide grin spreading across Nickel's face. "I was hoping you'd say that," the host says.

CURTAIN NUMBER THREE opens with another snap and Nevermore begins shaking in her boots. There, behind the curtain, is Miss Evangelista from the Library, wearing a black dress and veil. Pulling her gun from her waistband, Nevermore shoots at the woman, but it has no effect. A gasmask-child walks out from behind Miss Evangelista, his arms outstretched for Nevermore. "Are you my mummy?" he asks.

Nevermore was out the door before the words left his mouth.

Cackling, Nickel reveals Nevermore's fears to be actors, who she then locks away for next time. Wiping tears from her eyes, Nickel sighs. "Well, that was fun. Hope to see you all here again next—" She stops, staring at the ground with wide eyes. She stutters for a moment, before screaming.

"AHH! SPIDER! KILL IT! KILL IT!"

* * *

**So I think that three is the most I'll have in an episode. That okay with you all?**

**And I love new reviewers just as much as my regulars!**

**...Maybe a little more...Especially _you _*points out of your computer at you***

**But don't tell the others, they might get mad...**


	12. Companion Hunger Games

**So sorry for such a long wait! But my midterms are done so I should have a BIT of free time now. Yay!**

**This chapter is for TheTardisIsBlue, Time-Lady-Lindy, and sciphy.**

**Thanks to Ashena-Iulik, Arrows the Wolf, The Linn, and SuperGirlOnToast for stalking, and to Ashena-Iulik, Carrie On Whovians, The Linn, and SuperGirlOnToast for favoriting!**

**CasketteInWhoville - Well, you reviewed, and that's what counts ;) Thanks!**

**Seiga Niko - Same with me, man, same with me. *Hugs* Of COURSE I love you! And the enter key...GENIUS!**

**Spike20096 - I actually just got over that! Lost my voice and everything. It was HORRIBLE! I'm glad you liked it, though! Hmm...if a Weeping Angel has two shadows...do you not blink or do you run? *Hides under the bed***

**swordsandstories - That is true, that is true. And I think I missed that...damn. You can either consider this as a Halloween story or check out my other story, Don't Touch That (SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION). My most recent update for that one ships candy together... o.O Sorry :P**

**rya-fire1 - Aww you didn't like it? :( Well, can't please them all, I suppose. And yeah, I think I'd "lose" my clothes too... ;)**

**Kimikono - Oh...sorry...next time. And I've no idea. I suspect I'm a tad psychic because I always know what my friends are doing somehow...weird...**

**Ashena-Iulik - Yes, but consider him reading bedtime stories to you...actually...just youtube that. It's there. Not even kidding right now. Youtube. NOW!**

**DoctorWhotaliaandtheOlympian s - *Picks it up, snickering and running away because it's rubber***

**OptimisticLivvy - Thanks! Yeah, I can't STAND spiders. *shudder* And, did you see TATM? I TOTALLY CALLED IT WITH THE STATUE OF LIBERTY!**

**Safi-ry - Yes I will. Because I suppose you're right and I'm a nice person. What? Why's everyone laughing? I'm nice, aren't I? AREN'T I?!**

**PeaceLoveAndCheese - Or Moffat saying "You think Angels Take Manhattan was bad? WAIT UNTIL THE 50TH ANNIVERSARY!"**

**Time-Lady-Lindy - NOO! THERE MUST BE A CHRISTMAS SPECIAL!**

**The Linn - Honestly, this story is mostly facepalms. Seriously. I do it while I'm _writing _them. And yes, you are now in my clutches. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**

**SuperGirlOnToast - I'm glad you do! And yes, you can be a companion!**

* * *

A conch shell sounds through the arena. A murmur flows through the audience as they find themselves confused—when did they change into looking like Whos? The conch sounds again and Effie rolls into the center of the stage on a Segway. A Dalek—dressed in a lime-green, frilly dress with a neon-yellow beehive-style wig—adjusts its eyestalk to get a better look. "INCORRECT!" it screeches. "THAT IS NOT THE HUMAN KNOWN AS EFFIE. THAT IS…NICKEL."

"Yes…" A Silent wearing a puffy purple suit and powder wig drawls. "It appears that Nickel has dressed as the character known as 'Effie' from the human novel, 'The Hunger Games.' This leads me to conclude that we are dressed as citizens from the Capitol." He strokes his chin thoughtfully. "The question is why?"

"AFFIRMATIVE!" screams yet another Dalek, the Silent forgotten. "NICKEL LOOKS LIKE EFFIE AND WE ARE WEARING THE CLOTHING OF THE CAPITOL CITIZENS. EXPLAIN! EXPLAAAAAIN!"

As the rest of the audience titters over the possible answers, the Silent slinks from the arena, head down, trying not to cry. Would he _never_ get the attention his mother denied him?

Stopping in front of a microphone, Nickel/Effie clears her throat quietly. When the arena continues swapping ideas, she clears her throat a bit louder. Still getting no response, Nickel frowns. "SHUT YOUR CAKE HOLES!" she shouts.

Finally, quiet.

"Thank you." Flashing everyone a winning smile, Nickel begins her speech. "Welcome all, to the very first Companion Hunger Games. Now, I'm sure you've all read the novels? To anyone who's decided that the movie is sufficient, you will be ejected via cannon…now." A few people scream as they fly through the roof and out into a vat of acid. "So, the Companion Hunger Games are a bit different than the original. We have before you, three…ahem…_volunteers_." Her tone implies that they were, in fact, not volunteers in the least. The three contestants are teleported into the field as Nickel/Effie calls their names. "TheTardisIsBlue, Time-Lady-Lindy, and sciphy." All three contestants look surprised, scared, and frankly frustrated at their sudden transportation.

"Now, the rules are simple. There are five objects you need to find—a plastic bottle, a hockey puck, a dirty handkerchief, a crumpled note, and an unhinged door. Fighting is encouraged and whoever finds the most wins!" With a sly smile, Nickel/Effie spins her Segway in a circle before returning to the microphone. "You may be wondering what the prize is. Well…how about…seven minutes in Heaven…with the tenth Doctor?" The girls gasp and start bouncing up and down in excitement, the atmosphere tense with competition. "And for the losers, well, you'll still get seven minutes in Heaven. Just, with a hungry tiger."

"Happy Hunger Games and may the odds be ever in your favour."

* * *

**Bwahahaha! I've left you off on one of THESE!**

**So, much like in the Whovian Idol episode, place your votes on who you'd like to win! I'll give you until...Friday. That's two (and a bit) days to vote.**

**Again, your choices are:**

**TheTardisIsBlue,**

**Time-Lady-Lindy,**

**and ****sciphy.**

**Happy Hunger Games!**


	13. Companion Hunger Games Results

**Well folks, you voted! Here are your results!**_  
_

**Also...HOLY CRAP WE'VE PASSED 100 REVIEWS WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?! *Explodes of happiness***

**Thanks to TheReaderWithAScarf, tiashgwenny, BlackRoseSpuffyFan, Bad Wolf and Timelords, Prussianess, MyFandomsKillMe, and TeamJazzy2571 for stalking and or favoriting me and the story!**

**DoctorWhotaliaandtheOlympian s - BWAHAHAHAHAHA! *Gets rid of the snake* And too late, we already have a winner ;)**

**rya-fire1 - *Cries with joy and steals the Master* MINE! I SHALL WARM HIM UP WITH MY BODY! IT IS THE ONLY WAY! ...I will not go into details because this is a family show...**

**TheReaderWithAScarf - Thanks :) Glad you liked it enough to review!**

**swordsandstories - *Laughs when you try and get electrocuted* Oh please, you didn't think I'd put up precautions? SILLY MORTAL! And thanks ;)**

**Seiga Niko - Friend, Nickel, Kim, Creepy person from the internet...anything works :P Oh lord, Supernatural. I think that's what does us ALL in. *Hugs back* I loved Nine! He was so sassy! I just don't think I'm very good at writing him, sadly. He was great though :D He was my first Doctor!**

**Safi-ry - *Frowns at her tiger* YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE VIOLENT! *Huffs***

**Ashena-Iulik - Lol naw, I'm not THAT mean...or maybe I am...hmm...**

**Time-Lady-Lindy - Lol sorry, but no casting votes if you're IN it xD**

**The Linn - Woah, alright there Sassy-McGuire... :P**

**Kimikono - Thanks for the vote!**

**Bad Wolf and Timelords - You WHAT?! TELL ME EVERYTHING! AHH! *Flails* Yeah, the Sexy-Off is one of my favorites too xD**

**Prussianess - YAY STALKERS! I'm glad you like it so much! :D And either or. Just your name, an idea, or both works :P Let me know!**

**PeaceLoveAndCheese - Lol xD Oh man, I don't have THAT much time xD It would be great if I did...but... *Shrug***

**Spike20096 - Thanks :) Yeah, sorry about the waits :P**

** - That's alright. I don't mind if you're logged in or not :P**

**Qu0thTheRavenNeverm0re - I dunno xD And you're welcome :P**

**hogwartsmockingjaysilvertong ue - Thanks for the vote!**

**TheStarKidsHaveThePhoneBox - OI! I looked BADASS I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW! And yes, I totally got a date out of it! And no, it didn't work out xD**

* * *

_Previously on Who Wants To Be A Companion?!..._

"_NICKEL LOOKS LIKE EFFIE AND WE ARE WEARING THE CLOTHING OF THE CAPITOL CITIZENS. EXPLAIN! EXPLAAAAAIN!" _

"_Welcome all, to the very first Companion Hunger Games."_

"_We have before you, three…ahem…volunteers."_

"_TheTardisIsBlue, Time-Lady-Lindy, and sciphy"_

"_Now, the rules are simple. There are five objects you need to find—a plastic bottle, a hockey puck, a dirty handkerchief, a crumpled note, and an unhinged door. Fighting is encouraged and whoever finds the most wins!" _

"_You may be wondering what the prize is. Well…how about…seven minutes in Heaven…with the tenth Doctor? And for the losers, well, you'll still get seven minutes in Heaven. Just, with a hungry tiger."_

"_Happy Hunger Games and may the odds be ever in your favour."_

Teleporting off the battlefield, Nickel sounded an alarm, prompting the contestants to begin. While Time-Lady-Lindy and sciphy began to fight over a plastic bottle, TheTardisIsBlue snuck off. She made her way backstage and ran headlong into a man with a red Maple Leaf on his chest, dressed in a hockey jersey, helmet, and skates.

"Woah, easy there, kiddo," he grinned. "Look, don't tell Nickel I'm doing this, because she'll probably kill me in some horribly painful way, but here." He handed her a hockey puck with his name signed on it.

"What?" sputtered Blue. "But…why?"

"Simple. I really don't feel like getting mauled over it. If someone's got it, I get to go home. Good luck!" And with that, the man skated off—which took a lot of skill, as there was no ice anywhere nearby. Looking down at the hockey puck, Blue frowned. "Who's Gordie Howe?"

Back in the arena, sciphy was running off with the plastic bottle, leaving Lindy with a black eye and bloody nose. She had almost reached the dirty handkerchief, being held by a Slime Creature from the 67th Century, when Lindy tackled her from behind, ripping at her hair. The girls shrieked and shouted, trying desperately to beat the other to a pulp.

Meanwhile, Blue skipped happily up to the Creature, asked for the handkerchief politely, and skittered away, leaving sciphy and Lindy to fight. The crumpled note was simple enough…Blue really needed to empty her pockets more often.

The alarm sounded again when Lindy grabbed the unhinged door. Reappearing, Nickel pouted. "I was _really_ hoping you guys would take longer than _that_! But fine. Let's figure it out. Sciphy, you got the plastic bottle." Sciphy held it up victoriously, wincing when the movement jolted a few of her cracked ribs, her arm bending at an odd angle.

"Time-Lady-Lindy, you got the unhinged door…which you're really going to have to put back because I know for a _fact_ that is the door to my trailer and I want it back." Lindy gestured to the door magnificently, wiping the blood from her face with her sleeve, her eye swelling up and keeping her weight off one of her ankles.

"And TheTardisIsBlue, you got the hockey puck, handkerchief, and the note." Blue struck a pose, not a wrinkle on her clothes. "So yeah, I suppose that means that Blue wins! Off you go!"

With a snap of her fingers, TheTardisIsBlue is transported off to spend seven minutes in Heaven with the Doctor, grinning so widely, her cheeks were beginning to hurt.

"And as for you two," Nickel grinned dangerously at Time-Lady-Lindy and sciphy, who shivered in fear, "off to the tiger cage with you!" Nickel snapped her fingers again and they disappeared.

The outro music begins to play, the faint sounds of screams and roars echoing through the arena.

* * *

**I apologize again for the wait! Real life is a bitch.**

**Also...there's 3 days until December...**

**WASN'T IT AUGUST 5 MINUTES AGO?!**


	14. Author's Note

Hey folks. Sorry to say, but the next two weeks I won't be posting. Saturday my final exams begin. So I'll be studying all this week and writing finals all of next.

Sorry again, but that's how it it.

-Nickel


End file.
